yes, i over-decorate and over-hyphenate
i brought a bottle of red hot with me to work today. i should already be one of those people who carries a bottle of red hot in her purse at all times, but when i move it will definitely be an addition to my extraneous character.
four. it's been four great new detroit bars in one week. centaur and buzz bar last weekend, and cliff bell's and the park bar last night. ok, everyone needs to understand how amazing cliff bell's is. it's a renovated old jazz club/bar, and it's a total timewarp in there. in a good way and not a stuffy way. there's live x-piece jazz band playing most nights. the drinks aren't ridiculously overpriced, and all different types/ages of people can feel comfortable there. it's classy, but not overly classy. you don't have to worry about what you're wearing or anything like that.
what is the phase that i'm in that i only want to listen to 80s kindasofthits bands? i have that church song "under the milky way" in my work ipod playlist, and everytime it ends i wanna run in the back and play it again. but then the pretenders comes on or something, and it makes up for it.
and all i can think about is moving and the city. it's at times like these that my highly-inflamed sense of event kicks in overdrive. so inflamed. there are so many things/concepts my head is wrapping and wrapping around, like taffy. one of the best thing is something michelle said about a month ago: "it feels like your stock goes up when you're in new york." and it's true; i feel so meritless here. like anything that's good about me or just maybe good about me doesn't much matter here. if i was half the person i am, i'd probably still be sitting right here. living the same life. that's pretty fucked up. i could be half everything--even half of the girlfriend i was [yeah i'm dealing with a breakup]--HALF everything i am and was and ever have been and will be, and would life be any different? i'd still be living in ferndale, comfortably making rent and dinner. i need to go somewhere where it matters how well-spoken i am [ok or am not!], and how interesting and how crazed and how intelligent and how good-looking and how stylish and how hard-working and determined...you know? because if you aren't a trust fund kid, you actually have to work there--and work beyond mere employment. it's the life-actual manifestation of my new year's resolution, which was something about understanding what i am capable of. i'm moving to push myself, to be a little fish in an overwhelmingly-huge ocean, to pull out of myself who i really am and what's great or brilliant or shitty about me, and i'm moving to figure out what's really important in life. it's just too easy, so much too easy here, you don't have to REALLY want or REALLY work for much. not that hard. the amount of resignation here..it's suffocating. unfortunate and suffocating. and it's been rubbing off on me. i've had the same "going-nowhere" job for 7 years. i even got an english degree in there. i've never made a resume because i haven't had to. the capital P peggy would wag her finger at that; anyone should. i haven't applied for the last three second jobs i've had either; i've just been offered them. so when i say that detroit just isn't working out for me anymore, reference that. i need to learn some fucking spirit as a groveling little fish. peeeeep!
sorry for the length, but i think this is gonna happen a lot lately.
four. it's been four great new detroit bars in one week. centaur and buzz bar last weekend, and cliff bell's and the park bar last night. ok, everyone needs to understand how amazing cliff bell's is. it's a renovated old jazz club/bar, and it's a total timewarp in there. in a good way and not a stuffy way. there's live x-piece jazz band playing most nights. the drinks aren't ridiculously overpriced, and all different types/ages of people can feel comfortable there. it's classy, but not overly classy. you don't have to worry about what you're wearing or anything like that.
what is the phase that i'm in that i only want to listen to 80s kindasofthits bands? i have that church song "under the milky way" in my work ipod playlist, and everytime it ends i wanna run in the back and play it again. but then the pretenders comes on or something, and it makes up for it.
and all i can think about is moving and the city. it's at times like these that my highly-inflamed sense of event kicks in overdrive. so inflamed. there are so many things/concepts my head is wrapping and wrapping around, like taffy. one of the best thing is something michelle said about a month ago: "it feels like your stock goes up when you're in new york." and it's true; i feel so meritless here. like anything that's good about me or just maybe good about me doesn't much matter here. if i was half the person i am, i'd probably still be sitting right here. living the same life. that's pretty fucked up. i could be half everything--even half of the girlfriend i was [yeah i'm dealing with a breakup]--HALF everything i am and was and ever have been and will be, and would life be any different? i'd still be living in ferndale, comfortably making rent and dinner. i need to go somewhere where it matters how well-spoken i am [ok or am not!], and how interesting and how crazed and how intelligent and how good-looking and how stylish and how hard-working and determined...you know? because if you aren't a trust fund kid, you actually have to work there--and work beyond mere employment. it's the life-actual manifestation of my new year's resolution, which was something about understanding what i am capable of. i'm moving to push myself, to be a little fish in an overwhelmingly-huge ocean, to pull out of myself who i really am and what's great or brilliant or shitty about me, and i'm moving to figure out what's really important in life. it's just too easy, so much too easy here, you don't have to REALLY want or REALLY work for much. not that hard. the amount of resignation here..it's suffocating. unfortunate and suffocating. and it's been rubbing off on me. i've had the same "going-nowhere" job for 7 years. i even got an english degree in there. i've never made a resume because i haven't had to. the capital P peggy would wag her finger at that; anyone should. i haven't applied for the last three second jobs i've had either; i've just been offered them. so when i say that detroit just isn't working out for me anymore, reference that. i need to learn some fucking spirit as a groveling little fish. peeeeep!
sorry for the length, but i think this is gonna happen a lot lately.
posted by margaret @ 1:36 PM
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