i came late

seems like internet activity on the whole has been down; perhaps something measurable like the DOW. perhaps. but who cares? i don't care about the DOW; surely someone/something out there is tracking internet activity. suppose i'd care more about that. perhaps there's something wrong with that. all i know is the blogs i read are scarcely being updated, my aim buddy list has been looking a bit frail, and i can't write with any marked prolificacy, interest, intelligence, &tc. was this a dumb thing to talk about here? when you work on the computer all day and all you have is friends and emails and blogs and such to break up the tedium of the day, and those distractions slow down a bit...well, you notice!

all the dreams i've been having lately are the kind where you dream of people/places/events that you wish you were experiencing in real life. the kind of dreams so vivid and real-seeming they almost, just for a moment, satisfy in reality whatever it is they're trying to simulate. for a split-second before you open your eyes, they totally work. distance and wants receive some sort of spiritual absolution. my favorite thing about these types of dreams, the heavy hitters, is that upon placing my head on the pillow the next night--and only at that exact moment--i fall back with near entirety into the previous night's dream, not just remembering more sharply than any time i was able to in the day. i'm nearly in the dream again--perhaps 65%--for a few moments; so in it again that i always imagine that perhaps if i fell asleep that this very moment, i'd pick off where i left off in the dream the night before.

also: sick again with something plaguing my throat [sore], ears [itchy], eyes [kinda infected and disgusting], &tc. today has been soso strange, it felt like 5.30 pm ever since i woke, the color barely changed outside. the only way to tell that it's evening is by the blinds having been closed. i guess there was not a full moon today, but perhaps we are in the downcurrent of it, because it sure seemed like one. we're getting a big-screen tv tomorrow in the house. that's news. there will be out-of-town houseguests this weekend. and -- people really impress me, winter is weighing us down, and sometimes it feels as though my heart has been hurled hundreds of miles away. i, like a determined hamster running the wheel, i try tirelessly to pull it back.