it's not my turn to feel

there's a village far below
i'm passing by so come on, come out to play
ask your mother
and tell her why the time i called
and the reason is i love you
it justifies it all

tonight i need a real journal. it feels as though i've been up for days with hangover laid upon hangover. but really it's just the hangover from saturday night. in so many respects, i'm pulled in several different directions at once; what hurts is feeling as though i have to choose one of those directions. what's funny is that none are viable, and despite the low, rumbling inclination inside that some sort of choice is elicited, it's not. it's just not. a choice right now would change nothing except perhaps internal sentiment. which way the rope tugs. east or west. but the rope tugs, and nothing changes. a choice can be made, but it will be instantly nullified. either way, i'm entering this week with weakened, hesitant steps. if only i had a clearer mind. try and love a little less. too many things far too new this week, and i'm not really ready for it. premature. bad timing.

everyone needs someone to live by

with spring so soon, the philodendra are growing like crazy, and i can't stop thinking about how it seems like some sort of mathematics i could never fully grasp.

if i could curl up in bed tonight with my favorite catherine wheel song, i would. the drums, at the very very least, are impeccable, enviable. let's share.

catherine wheel -----> girl stand still
[sorry it's an m4a..]

there's a secret i've been keeping
pushed aside and left behind
it's back again like bad religion
oh we love to lose our minds