i'll wear your clothes while we're both high

it's like we chase organic wine like something..stalk it like some rare bird. it was one of those nights you sleep but you swear you didn't sleep at all. smashed on the couch; it fucks up both shoulders. too fucked up to rub your back. every time i opened my eyes, i swear the same ryan adams song was on. i had a dream about living in brooklyn except it was la, and two people got shot near where i lived, and i walked around worried a gun was pointed at my back. i've felt that before. i woke and recounted it. there's something so comforting in saying "i just had a really bad dream" to someone the moment you escape it. but before i woke when i was running from the guns, i was on the bus trying on my new shoes [ok so officially if you dream of a pair of shoes you want, you should just buy them], and i saw someone i knew, and then i realized i was going the wrong direction on the bus. err, i was on the wrong bus. whatever. i feel like this might be a little foreshadow? that's how it felt in the dream.

so i guess i haven't been making much eye contact with people, but hey...i think i'm going to try to start actually dealing with/internalizing [really i'm acting so unlike myself lately] everything that's going on. with moving and other things. i didn't mean for it to all happen like this, but...this is the way it is happening. time is passing, and this is what is taking place; this is how it all goes down in the month of march in the year 2007. i move away in fifteen days. i never thought it would happen like this. i've never thought of the past, present and future so much. i can't really explain it.

i cooked salmon [note: bake salmon in a foil packet and not just out in the open...375 for 40 mins or so] and asparagus for my mom tonight, and it's one of those things that won't be able to happen too many more times. i have this thing lately of talking about what we'll do one day, and what we'll never do again. maybe it's blackmail. it's hard to predict what you'll really miss. it's hard to predict much of anything. 1/2% accuracy, ya know? i'm getting another tattoo; i never thought i'd be doing that again.

i have a lot of little bits of nothing really to say. but she helped me understand tonight that i need to be talking about all of these things, as i really have not been expressing much of how i feel about what's going on.