"dear baby"

be just as good as you can be
love,
papa

the truth is coming out. the screen is lifting, reality is coming into focus. blindingly. it's like the brightest sun, the richest colors, the sharpest edges--everything i've been dazed by, nearly paralyzed by for so so long. like years. it's wearying to pass all these days out of the shade. and still. what's happened and what i want to happen entreat and tug and yank me by the nose or the heart or whatever can be pulled, and really it's so hard to live right within it for so long. it really is so wearying and at times downright suffocating, but when the truth comes out in morsels after midnight, and when the rope i'm pulling starts to give way--some baby little morsels--it's then that i know i'd rather scorch like this in the light.

it's three weeks today that i've lived here, and the transition has been easy, really quite easy. i've etched out already a fair amount of a life, and i haven't been bored or lonely since week one. the weather's better now [in an insane way], and with a bike, a second job, and a bit more money [and yes glue and a bed and maybe even other furniture one day], days and nights will be sweet and easy and will pass with contentment [more than contentment], tenderness, fascination and you know...everything else good and nice and light [but to be burdened?], and you know.