a new sentiment; a new hope; new

slept with much punctuation on the couch after unwrapping some gifts and preparing some xmas snacks and cookies [i burnt half of them to the point of inedibility], rose before eight am like a child to an undeniably empty house, but not lonely. the holiday is different this year, yes. but i can't stop thinking of friends [and family] of mine passing a night and day like this with remarkable, enduring loss. like the food network blaring in the background of my overly-xmas-tree-studded living room in attempt to sleep, this haunted me. it feels again, like a spiritual thanksgiving, and i hope, like no other strength or breadth or depth of sentiment, that those "celebrating" "without" enjoy some bit of settling, some semblance of joy.