with love and squalor

saturday was a lazy, wasted day spent in front of the television. watched entire season four of curb your enthusiasm and started on big love. after almost two months of living here, i just now realized that we have hbo on demand. i'm smart like that, ya know. i'm having a capricorn day today. worrying about money. you see, since i'm on the cusp of capricorn and sagittarius, i'm not as concerned with money as the next cap, but some days, man, it really consumes me. and living in nyc, the reasons are tenfold! it's like a see-saw where the amount of things you WANT increases and the amount of things you can afford decreases. the see-saw's on an angle much closer to vertical than ever before. it's pretty frustrating, but it is worth it, absolutely. since i'm only subletting here, i don't have a pantry full of backup food like shitty soups you bought because they were on sale, pasta, weird frozen things, &tc. so when i just have raw cashews and tortilla chips left, that's it! great meal. this whole thing makes me get obsessed with cheap foods, cheap good foods, cheap but good meat [nonexistent category], cheap veggies. i have come up with canned tuna and celery. and kinda potatoes; they're pretty cheap. now that i've given up dairy for digestion's sake, i have to get creative with my tuna. my sister bought me a jar of harissa last week, which is a moroccan chili sauce/paste, and i've found that goes well with tuna.

i fly home on thursday, and i'm way more excited about it than i thought i would be [admittedly!]. lots of unfinished business and loose ends over in detroit, and i plan to tie them all up in nice pretty bows! then the national is on tuesday at the bowery! then i move to clinton hill. so much excitement outright and between the lines.

but i'm still not sure that i've totally internalized my living here yet. i live in new york city? i live in new york city. right? for how long? two months? for forever? and not in michigan? pretty weird. but i can say with full internalization that--barring any tragic/dramatic unforseen circumstance--i won't return to michigan for residency again. i'm sorry.