i have searched for all your fragrance in the silent dark. is that okay?

a trip roundtrip by train, and everything's changed.

this weekend was the best i've had yet since my arrival. saturday my partner-in-crime was in town, and we + others hopped from bar to bar after 3pm. drunk in daylight is one of my favorite past times. best friends need to visit every weekend. we danced unaccompanied, and dances were made up and performed. we don't really dance for real anymore, it's more like making fun of dancing for the entertainment of ourselves and others. mock dancing, it's our new wave.

i threw up vodka and tequila and salad sunday before i left. i could barely rise from the cold of the bathroom floor. on the way to the flatbush station, the driver asked me if i smoked REEFER [imagine indian accent]. i sat on the high story of the double-decker, reflecting on the narrative i'm cooking up about reflections off objects that pose as mirrors and what it's like when you're so familiar with a living space that you know all its sounds, its growth and sinking, footsteps in the stairwell, in the hallway, in the kitchen. and what you may have learned from all of these. what have you learned? in the reflection off the train window, i saw a hippie woman's nipple after her not-feeding-just-sucking daughter removed her mouth. i visited long island for the first time. after sushi, my fortune read something like today will be better than yesterday. i regret not keeping it. the early commuters couldn't have been more dissimilar from me, from me that at that very moment. i wanted to let them know. i was scolded for talking on the phone, but i could barely keep my mouth shut.

my friends are the best in the world, and i'm falling somewhere. severely.

i'd only yell at our kids if they acted like you

to boston and back after $30 and nine hours total travel time on the fung wah. the fung wah's a funny thing, you know...only in new york city are we afforded such luxuries as $30 roundtrip tickets on the chinatown [gang?] bus [meth addict bus driver?]. boston was great...just the kind of good company [great company] and relaxation [air conditioning] that city kids like us needed.

now that i've been sick for one and a half weeks, i finally broke down and bought oregano oil tonight. whole foods in union square...it was the guitarist from the yeah yeah yeahs and i shopping for herbal remedies together. only in new york. so yes, oregano oil is SO disgusting that i did in fact have to administer one spoonful of sugar to cut the aftertaste. jesus, how disgusting. i'll never be able to season with oregano again. jesus. this better work.

an affair for sixty years

i'll pretend you're in the war. we all have to move on sometime, don't we?

it's a first; i'm cold. it's white outside, and i wish it was snow, or september. if it were september there'd nearly be snow on the ground, and there'd be no more waiting.

what's right isn't always what happens.
don't i know.

it rained for hours and hours today. i heard many cars sliding and crashing into each other on the brooklyn bridge above me today. there's a camaraderie that comes with living in the city when it rains...everyone's wet together.

let's celebrate in october by running through town in the rain. you can hold the umbrella.
you know i'd hate that.

it's been nearly three months here, and i've finally fully internalized living here. i think it came when i started wanting to get away for little bits. it's not less magical, per se, just...it's routine. and i work so so much that routine really is all i'm privy to. the most excitement i have lately is when they serve something yummy at family meal at work.

and bring all the songs you've ruined for me.
or i could just sing them.

so it's boston this weekend, and i couldn't be looking forward to it with any more excitement. i haven't seen my partner-in-crime in nearly three months. am i different person already?

i'll see you again, i know i will, and soon. whether it's in memories played back again and again, or while watching geese cross the road, i'll know you by your eyes welling up, the nervousness in your step, the anticipation of your fingers across mine.
yes, and you will know me.

what's more permanent: a wedding ring or a wedding ring tan?

the weather's making life just fine once again. i'm missing so many cancer birthdays, and it really stings. worked a double yesterday, and the restaurant was crazy just like a friday the 13th touts itself. i'm eating oreos, but i need fruit. last night i was offered the impressive sum of 5$ to move back to detroit, but i think i'll have to decline. restaurant week begins monday, and everyone's dreading it. today is fort greene market, the beach and another sibling up in the lofts. i can't stop thinking about boston at the end of the month, that thai place in queens, curry tuna, my new homemade mustard-lemon salad dressing, one of my best friends here permanently in three weeks and wishing shows didn't get so gigantically out-of-hand huge in the city [read: what les savy fav will be like tonight]. life couldn't get any more new york, really. as my father would say, i'm "living the dream!"

and i'll be in detroit in exactly two months. there'll nearly be snow on the ground, and i will have probably forgotten nearly everything.

pray for rain

that's all you can do really, pray for rain. pray for clouds to hover and shroud the sun. pray for the humidity to rise to the breaking point. it's the moment that it's 6pm, looks like sunset, and the sky has burst. the air pushed in by the fan is cooling, slowly slowly, finally rendering the fan not a moot point anymore. in the city on the sixth floor in a loft with windows lining only one wall. cross-breeze is a joke, and in the city, central air is a joke. and my room has no windows. it took only two minutes of laying in the bedroom last night until i retired to the couch in retreat. even then with a fan pushing in the night air and another right in front of it [in hopes of fanning exponentially], i wondered how many people in defeat have taken their lives because of the heat in the city.

live where?

it's so insanely hot out, all you can do is go to the new floating pool:

a promise scratched into the liner notes

everything's different now that i take the bus. it's better. not alienated on the g train anymore. the b goes over the manhattan bridge; it's amazing. i can even see where i work from the train. i live a 10-minute bus ride from forever 21. now that's truly amazing. i want to move to brighton beach and live among the russians. it's the perfect jankiness. i really love it. received the worst sunburn of my life on monday at the beach, and i'm still not recovered. not even half-recovered. the beach is only a 30-minute train ride away. did i mention you can surf there? did i? my roommate recently started, and no shark sighting as of yet! yesterday was amazing homemade lasagna and salad picked from the garden under the bqe. there's something funny about moving to the city and eating straight out of a garden. gardens are extra coveted here. today was the craziest japanese bookstore in rockefeller center, then purl soho, then a big score! on a much-needed pair of shoes. cafe habana tonight in fort greene...the place is totally solar-powered. surprisingly great shrimp burrito and unsurprisingly great grilled corn mexican-style. it's a pretty great place. i plan on enjoying many many frozen mojitos there. tomorrow's summer solstice, and oxford collapse is playing on bedford avenue, on the street. pretty crazy! and yes i wish i was at that ryan adams show tonight.