a promise scratched into the liner notes

everything's different now that i take the bus. it's better. not alienated on the g train anymore. the b goes over the manhattan bridge; it's amazing. i can even see where i work from the train. i live a 10-minute bus ride from forever 21. now that's truly amazing. i want to move to brighton beach and live among the russians. it's the perfect jankiness. i really love it. received the worst sunburn of my life on monday at the beach, and i'm still not recovered. not even half-recovered. the beach is only a 30-minute train ride away. did i mention you can surf there? did i? my roommate recently started, and no shark sighting as of yet! yesterday was amazing homemade lasagna and salad picked from the garden under the bqe. there's something funny about moving to the city and eating straight out of a garden. gardens are extra coveted here. today was the craziest japanese bookstore in rockefeller center, then purl soho, then a big score! on a much-needed pair of shoes. cafe habana tonight in fort greene...the place is totally solar-powered. surprisingly great shrimp burrito and unsurprisingly great grilled corn mexican-style. it's a pretty great place. i plan on enjoying many many frozen mojitos there. tomorrow's summer solstice, and oxford collapse is playing on bedford avenue, on the street. pretty crazy! and yes i wish i was at that ryan adams show tonight.

i've been cheating on slowdive

it's been ten years of "slowdive is my favorite band," and it was about time their reign would come to an end. the national muscled themselves in some time ago. i saw feist at town hall on tuesday. it was pretty weird to walk out of a show right into times square. this is where i live. thinking about movies in the park this summer and all the free shows. superchunk in little more than a week. found an armoire in the hallway the other day, and now i'm not living out of bins anymore. makes you feel like a real person. a real live-r-somewhere-r. ordering a bed this weekend. if only i had a window over which to hang curtains. someday. thinking about walking over the brooklyn bridge, pizza in dumbo and picnics. been working full-time hours at my part-time job, so i guess i now am a full-time reservationist and a part-time transcriptionist. applying today for a job that would allow me to quit both, just quit everything that generates too few dollars per hour/per line, in lieu of 9-5 new york worklife. got drunk on a free vodka hour at the "vibe music awards" bar directly across the street last night, then indulged in a fried chicken bedtime snack. i'm dating tom yum quite exclusively now that i found the superlative at thai 101 on myrtle nearby. i wish i could see tom everyday, but you know...it's difficult to visit daily. deleted phone numbers without prior memorization. plans for the weekend fitting together like puzzle pieces...the beach weather allowing, a bar with hot dogs, a bus ride to new jersey. and back. living in new york city is overwhelming, lonely and inspiring.

we're creatures of the wind

i know i haven't really mentioned it, but i'm having quite a bit of trouble keeping in touch with everyone in my life. and now i have a second job at which i'll be working 25-30 hours a week, so i suspect i perhaps will get even worse at it. there's not a day that goes by that i don't mention missing someone. it's usually the same someone[s]. so, even if we don't talk or won't talk for a indefinite period, don't think that i don't think of you. often.

so the job is good and pretty easy. it seems that i'm a pretty "good fit" for the restaurant and the job of a reservationist. i'm glad to be working in the food industry. it seems like a "new york" thing to do. the neighborhood is getting better, or rather, my perception/opinion of the neighborhood is getting better. the c-town [grocery store] here isn't so bad, and i've already fallen in love with a few of the restaurants. i just had amazing vegan carrot cake down the street. the apartment is in some bit of shambles, and i desperately want something in which to house my clothes other than plastic blue bins on the floor. and a bed. a bed in which to dream about the happiness of the money a second job brings. the ring i've been wearing is worn and bent to the point of being endearing, which i find quite fitting. the commute to work is surprisingly easy, and life with this new hole [gaping] is both sobering and sad. and anticipatory. i dreamt last night about that song "wild is the wind," nina simone's version. i never dreamt about a song like that. in the dream i was trying to convince people that it was a fitting, if not perfect, song for the "first dance" at a wedding. hmm.

i still want you to visit.

as you have to say the password twice

one of those kind of days.

notwist
one with the freaks

you'll no longer be kissed and kind
as you long for intuition
as you have to learn the lesson twice
you'll no longer be kissed and kind
as you long for intuition
as you have to say the password twice

have you ever been all messed up?

you're the pin card
you're the lifeguard
you're the information guide
but things look much bigger on your knees

lose the signal
lose the sign post
lose the access to it all
and all of a sudden you are one with the freaks

have you ever been all messed up?
have you ever?

i miss you; i hate this

i move tomorrow. bigger bedroom [x2/2.5], nervous about the location, living with friends, off the g train that i hate. i have a lot of anxiety about it for an unknown reason, which is probably because i have anxiety about most anything different, changing, altered, &tc. i've been here exactly two months. i got a job this week at a restaurant in dumbo. it's fancy-fancy and really nice. i'm glad to be getting out and making some more money. i feel so full right now after a couple tacos. had 1/2 vegan cheesesteak earlier. the national were amazing. my head is a mess. i might have separation anxiety. maybe i stole someone's abandonment issues.

i wish that all of my dreams would come true.